The one in which I cover: Cocoon Comfort | NEWs | Experiment to Springboard Change | Swop Resolutions for Experiments | Ten 2024 Experiments

Welcome to 2025! In this issue along with my personal reflections for the last month, I share with you my perspective on Experiments & encourage you to consider how you can bring more of them into your life this year.

I hope you find value for yourself and/or for supporting those around you.

#BeBetterTogether

How are you Flowing?

Cocoon Comfort

December was a stark contrast of experiences. The first half was a whirlwind of Christmas preparations – the usual frenzy of gift shopping and festive meal planning. It's a time that always feels a bit squeezed, and I have to remind myself that this pace is a conscious choice.

The reward is the second half of the month. After a scenic drive to our Swiss home, life slows down dramatically for Fi and I. Chores vanish, replaced by a simple rhythm of skiing, reading, yoga, and enjoying each other's company. We savour leisurely meals, cozy evenings by the fire, and the quiet beauty of the snowy landscape. I feel at ease and expanded with the fullness of love and beauty.

This year, we were blessed with a generous snowfall before Christmas, followed by days of brilliant sunshine. The sight of the sun sparkling on the pristine snow, and the peaceful majestic silence of the white topped mountains filled my heart with joy.

Usually, I choose an image from my library for my monthly reflections. But this time, I knew exactly what I wanted to capture. This photo, taken at the bottom of an off-piste run called Vallon D'Arbi, perfectly encapsulates my experience of the past month. The soft pillows of snow gently embracing the flowing river symbolise the feeling of cocooned comfort I cherished during the second half of December. The squeezed-ness of the first half was completely over-written by the serene and gentle second half.

As the end of this rejuvenation period approaches, I already feel a tinge of sadness. I remind myself to be gentle with myself as I transition back into the rhythm of work and daily life. Conversations with friends and family help to shift my energy and reconnect me to the wider world.

Thank you for being the witness to where I am each month.

Question:

• What helps you return to everyday life after a period of rest and rejuvenation?

  
  

Reflect:

• What is your body memory of the last month?

• What images or metaphors come to mind?

• What can you let go of to allow more of something else to emerge?

• What do you need for the month ahead?

NEWs Info & Updates

If interested in any of these, please email me: felicity@bendtheriver.org

Coaches - I will be sending out invitations to those who are interested in joining Group Supervision in 2025 to come along to a group Intro Chat in Jan. Whilst it was my plan to do this pre Christmas, it was one of those things that got squeezed out! Do let me know if you'd like an invite.

ICF Mentor Coaching - I have interest in a group Mentor Coaching programme for up to 4 individuals Jan - June/July 2025. If you’re seeking your ACC/PCC credential or ACC renewal and would like to join this 10hr programme, please let me know ASAP.

The iEQ9 Emerge Taster - the iEQ9 Enneagram Std profile & 1.5hr coaching exploration package £375. This is an intro offer for those who want to kick off 2025 with a boost & start the year with new insights about themselves.

Newlook Website coming in January - Be Better Together is the purpose statement. It’s the core WHY that sits underneath all of the work I do. The WHO remains the same: Leaders (at all stages), Founders, Business Owners, Life Seekers (my term for those in life and career transitions) and Coaches.

The Insight

Experiment to Springboard Change

If you have coaching or supervision with me, you’ll hear me talk about experiments. As I reflect back on my own and my clients’ ‘experiments’ in 2024, I noticed that they had different flavours, so I offer these observations to stimulate ideas for you as we start 2025. If you want to know my ten 2024 experiments, head to the section below.

All experiments create learning of something; you will always know more than you did, even if it’s not what you set out to learn!

Experiments for Building Belief and growing Confidence

This year, I have worked with a few clients who felt limited by their lack of confidence in speaking within their teams.

The ‘start small’ experiments with one friendly face is a fantastic first step. It creates new evidence of what happens when different action is taken. It reduces the often overwhelming fear of the situation.

Over time, the level of challenge can be increased, and as supportive evidence builds, so does confidence. FYI, It’s not a linear experience, there are steps forward ad back so it requires determination and desire for something to be different. Having a coach or friend alongside to champion your successes and fine-tune your learnings helps maintain the focus.

Experiments for Seeing the Way Forward

Sometimes we have no idea of what to do next. It can feel like nothing is sufficiently looking like the right route. In this case, the experiment is to choose any one thing to give your attention and focus. And I do mean your full attention and commitment. This is the ‘something is better than nothing’ approach.

In this instance, it is helpful to dive into the detail of what you are learning:

• What feels natural and easy?

• What is not yet natural and easy?

• What precisely was enlivening/ challenging?

• What do you know now that you did not know before?

• What components does the next step need to build upon?

When we explore different interests, discover new passions it leads to a deeper understanding of ourselves and what truly motivates us.

Will it work? Experiments

The classic ‘cause and effect’ experiment. If I do X, will I get Y? This has its place, but I feel is too simplistic and removes all the potential value of wider learning to be used too often. Here’s my reasoning: If we take action based on the expectation of a certain action and it works or fails, then great, we know what do/not to do in that situation. And then what? Changing the learning question to the one below has the potential to open up a path to take us further

• If I do X, what do I experience, observe, feel?

Commitment Experiments

These experiments are the ones which are structured to create a repeating rhythm. Instead of being one off, they recur and therefore require discipline and tenacity. The learning is two-fold; firstly it comes from the gradual improvement of giving something repeated attention. Secondly, the learning is around how to sustain one’s attention. What support, resources, and practices help us stay the course?

I learnt that for me to sustain commitment to creating Flow with Felicity each month and regularly posting on Linked In that I had to connect the purpose with my values and not with a Will it Work?’ mentality.

Value Driven Experiments

On occasion I work with clients whose sense of themselves has been shaken to the core. They have lost sight of who they are and the work we do together is deeply personal. Once we have reconnected to their values, experiments are an essential part of the activating them and bringing an enlivened embodied sense of the value. The experiments are practical and supportive in moving through the challenges being faced. They create a sense of ‘I may not feel in control of the situation, but I can act with integrity.’

Experiments as the basis for New Habits

Forming new habits is a topic all in itself. What is helpful in setting up new habits is to have a burst of experimentation before deciding which habit you want to stick with.

Let’s say you want a new routine which helps you to let go of work at the end of the day and transition into time with your family & friends. Be clear on your WHY and be detailed on what you hope will be different when you master this new habit. Brainstorm all the ways you could do this and over the period of two weeks, try them out. See what each one requires of you and brings you in return. Refine and tweak them, then go again. This achieves two things. Firstly, it helps break the habit of how you typically ended your day. Secondly, you learn what one thing or combination of things are most suited to you.

Experiments for Creativity

Our brains are very good at moving into automatic mode without conscious effort. All very good for getting us through the day, however, not so good for creativity and fresh thinking.

This category of experimentation always reminds me of the Innovation day warm up exercise 'come up with as many uses for a paperclip in 5 mins'. If our brains have been in the routine of firefighting and organising, they are not going to easily switch on the sparks of creativity. The neural pathways need warming up. If you want ideas to flow, then experiment with different types of stimuli to work out what fires you up.

Physical Experiments

I always like to include a few of these in my year. What happens when I take on a new physical challenge? What reaction do I have? How do I cope? Where are my safety boundaries?

These are just a few of the questions that I find myself asking. Our minds and bodies are perpetually inter-connected, so all of the above Experiments have a physical nature to them, in that they all lead to action. What sets this category apart is that the experiment is orientated around a physical element. It may look like me trying to Wing Foil, and for a client, it may look like a physical process they incorporate before an event. Shaking up how we are physically, can change how we feel and influence our thought processes.

How does undertaking regular experiments help our brain development and personal growth?

Engaging in regular experimentation in everyday life, enhances neuroplasticity, builds cognitive reserve and develops resilience and adaptability:

• New Neural Connections: Every time we try something new, our brain forms new neural connections. Experimentation involves venturing into the unknown, which challenges the brain to adapt and learn, thus strengthening neuroplasticity – the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life.  

  
  

• Cognitive Reserve: A more plastic brain has a greater "cognitive reserve," meaning it's better equipped to handle challenges, adapt to changes, and even recover from injury.

  
  

• Resilience and Adaptability: By repeatedly stepping outside our comfort zone and facing uncertainty, we develop greater resilience and adaptability. We become more comfortable with less than perfect results and better equipped to handle unexpected situations.  

  
  

By embracing a spirit of experimentation and regularly trying new things, we continuously encourage our brains to step away from its well worn pathways and stimulate flexibility and agility.

Live this ~Bend the River principle:

💚 Persistent Curious Attention = For change to happen we are rewiring our neural circuity. This takes intention and attention, with a curiosity towards experimentation and learning from. It also takes repetition for the new neural pathways to become strong enough to replace the old familiar ones.

The Tip

Swop New Year Resolutions for Experiments

Ditch New Year Resolutions for intentions and experiments. Resolutions can feel so hard and fast that when we fail, we then stop. Experiments include room for failing. They encourage us to question ‘what are we learning? rather than focusing on the end goal.

Ok, so you might have already gone down the Resolutions pathway. You can still choose to incorporate experiments into your resolution. Experiment with creating the conditions to allow your resolution to be fulfilled.

Here’s how to start

1. Bring Focus & start with a question - What would you like (to be) more of / less of in 2025?

2. Build some motivation - What do you hope will be/feel different by the end of 2025? What makes that important to you? How important is it on a scale of 1-10 (10 is high). What would make it of 8/9/10 importance? FYI, my general rule is that if something is 7/10 or less importance, it’s not sufficiently important for you to create change.

3. Brainstorm - What are all the ways you could experiment with this?

4. Choose - What 3 experiments could you start with in 2025 that will help you learn something about what you want more of or less of?

5. Define - Get into the detail:  When will you do them? For how long?  Who do you need alongside you?

6. Dive In  - Get stuck in! Observe yourself in motion. Anything is relevant. Suspend judgement.

7. Reflect - Capture What happened; What you felt and experienced; What surprised you? What evidence is there to convince you? What evidence did you want to see that was not yet evident?

8. Harvest - What meaning do you make of it? What insights can you carry forward? What future experiments would build upon this?

[*Source: How Emotions are Made. The secret life of the brain. Lisa Feldman Barrett. (Pg 183, 2018 paperback)]

The experiential learning cycle can be attributed to Kolb, and you'll find lots of further reading on the internet.

The Quote

>>> If you want something to be different, turn the lens first onto yourself

Ten of my 2024 Experiments

1. Nerve Wracking turned Enjoyable: 4 Photoshoots with Katie Needle

This turned out to be far more fun than I anticipated. Instead of thinking it was about getting photos of me to share with others. It quickly became about how could I playfully show who I am.  Doing it with others in a group was the support I needed. They showed me how they approached it, and it all felt so much more normal to be in front of a camera.

2. Dig Deep: Writing Flow with Felicity

I’d been told I should be writing a weekly newsletter. Two things wrong with that statement. The ‘should’ and ‘weekly’.

If I was going to do this, I knew I needed to find a true and real motivation that would sustain me, and I also knew that I did not want a weekly task in my life. I’m far better at bigger chunks of time and going deeper than regular short sharp hits at something. Even so, I’ve had to work out ways to stay on track with this, particularly when the words are not flowing. The surprise: Flow with Felicity has become a valued reflection practice.

3. Tried & Not Yet Succeeded: Setting up a group of coaches for supervision

I have experimented with several methods of attracting interest in group supervision sessions this year and not had any success. What I am trying is not working, so I need to think again and go again in 2025.  Consider how I might be holding myself back.

4. Adjust & Continue: Regular LinkedIn posting

My 2024 review by Coauthor Studio cited that I posted 115 times and generated 436 comments. I don’t have the info for 2023, but I know it was a big increase. The key learnings & adjustments for me as I head into 2025 with LinkedIn are:

1. Not everyone sees everything you post when you post it. This was a revelation. That’s why you can post the same/ similar content and do it frequently.

2. Do it because you want genuine connection. I love it when people I’ve not seen for ages like or comment on something. It tells me we are still in the periphery of each other’s worlds.

3. Write from the heart and with genuine intention not pump out posts because you need to hit X posts a week. I realised that if I was bored, then others would be too :)

4. I’ve yet to see a correlation between posting and new client interest & question if this matters?

5. You can choose to take a break from posting and then return. It reminds people you are real.

5. Yes, but Different: Change for Good coaching

I had a vision that I would use Change for Good coaching (I give 1hr of coaching in exchange for a £40 donation to a charity of my choice) as a conversation starter to reach out to local businesses and build interest in coaching. What I was reminded of is that there is no point going in with a coaching solution to an undefined problem, especially when awareness of coaching is low.

What did prove useful however, was having a low cost access point to working with me for those who could not afford my full fees. This serves my intention for coaching to be accessible to more people. I will continue to offer this as a payment route going forward.

6. Favourite New Recipe: Purple Sauerkraut (Dr Mike Moseley)

All though the risk of staining the kitchen (and hands) purple is high, this homemade fermented food beat the home made kimchi. Not only easier to make, it stinks a lot less, and goes with a wider range of foods. Plus, beetroot is being cited as good for cholesterol reducing so not just good for the gut.

7. To Be Convinced: Weight training and muscle tracking

Yes, I am one of those women in their 50’s who is aware that keeping one’s muscles is important for overall health. It’s 4 months into using scales that track my fat and muscles (by limb - eek) and I started on a 60 day strength programme. I lost some fat, and after some initial gains, it's been very erratic . This impacts my motivation. I've realised I’m in trapped in the ‘cause & effect’ experiment mindset and need to reground both my Why and my How.

8. More Practice needed - Wing Foiling and Gravel Biking!

This will resume again in April once it's warmer. These physical activities are key to reminding me what it is like to feel out of one's bodied comfort zone.

9. Social Win - Coaches Walking.

This was an experiment created in collaboration with a fellow coach. As both relatively new to the area, we were keen to meet other like minded souls and enjoy our beautiful local area of Poole. I’m astonished that there are almost 30 coaches who are keen to walk and talk in Dorset. This is definitely a keeper.

10. Yes, and get on with it! Beach Play Coaching

I was delighted that a fellow coach was keen to be a client & experiment with my idea of Beach Play coaching. It’s a one off deep dive coaching session in person down on the beach with a pre and post session online session. It’s ideal for a reset and to re-imagine the future.

My key takeaways were around the holding structure so it felt comfortably challenging. I also took away some practical stuff to improve. Now I need to work out how to offer it and to generate interest - never my strong point, see Tried and Not Yet Succeeded above!

The Reflection Question

Work with me

Everything starts with an Intro Chat

If you're thinking about working with me as your coach or coach supervisior, let's get some time in the diary. We will explore what you're hoping for, get a feel for our relationship and cover options.

Reach out today, if for no other reason that you will be clearer about something by the end of our call! felicity@bendtheriver.org

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Next Flow with Felicity coming out Friday 6th February.

What grabbed your interest?

If this prompts you to do something different or supports a reframe, I'd love to celebrate and support the changes you are making. Keep me in the loop :)

Thank you for joining me this month. For all rave testimonials, typos, helpful feedback, conversations about working together, message me on LinkedIn or drop me an email: felicity@bendtheriver.org