The one in which I cover: Filling Gaps | NEWs | Accessing the Wisdom of the Body | Know your B shape | Sneak Peak

I ease in with my personal reflections for November and offer you questions to reflect on how you're flowing. This month, the Insight, Tips, Quote and Reflection Questions orientate around our inner sense of knowing that arises from the body.

I hope you find value for yourself and/or for supporting those around you #BeBetterTogether

How are you Flowing?

Filling Gaps

November marked a significant shift & departure from the place of ‘neither here nor there’. After a period of reflective calm, I've reconnected with a vibrant flow of ideas and desires. This renewed energy has been invigorating, fuelling a sense of forward momentum without a specific destination.

The image of water gliding over and between rocks perfectly captures this feeling of flowing over, around, and between thoughts. It's as if I'm filling in the gaps, hence the name for this month: "Filling Gaps."

This renewed flow has involved less effort and been less judgmental. I find it easier to thrive when my thinking is fluid. However, maintaining this openness when my thoughts are less clear remains a challenge, as thinking is so deeply intertwined with my identity.

I've been pondering the catalysts for this shift in movement. While I didn't intentionally seek change, a few factors seem to have played a role:

1. Values Check-In: Reflecting on my values from the previous year highlighted an area where I felt stagnant. To break free from perfectionism, I adopted a "progress over perfection" mindset, and am in the process of bringing my website into alignment with my current way of thinking, communicating and showing up. You can read more here on LinkedIn: Show your values through Actions

   
   

2. NeuroBiology Dive: Delving into the neuroscience of coaching and relationships has sparked my brain, filling it with new ideas and connections. I'm currently dipping into Daniel Siegel's work.

   
   

3. Birthday Reflections: November was my birthday month and as, according to one client, I’m in my mid fifties (FYI, I still consider my age as early fifties!) and I've also read that 54 is the mid-point of adulthood! However I frame it, there is an awareness of the passage of time. I have both a sense of responsibility not to fritter it away, alongside a strong desire not to jump into the frenzied jet stream of Christmas.

When choosing an image to reflect this month, I gravitated towards this one taken in Siviez, not far from my home in Switzerland. After selecting an image, i take time to see if it offers my reflections any further insights. I noticed how crowded the water was by the trees and foliage with an absence of sky. I asked myself - If I am crowded, what is crowding me?

The answer came back - the cacophony of Christmas consumerism. I invite you to join me in a simple challenge: can you identify one material possession you can forgo this year.

Thank you for being the witness to where I am each month.

Questions:

• What (metaphorical) gaps are you filling in?

• If you are crowded, what might be crowding you?

  
  

Reflect:

• What is your body memory of the last month?

• What images or metaphors come to mind?

• What can you let go of to allow more of something else to emerge?

• What do you need for the month ahead?

NEWs Info & Updates

Give / Request a different kind of Christmas present this year:

EMERGE Taster: the iEQ9 Enneagram Std profile & 1.5hr exploration package £375

See more in my Linked In post Natural Light

Coaches - I will soon be sending out invitations to those who are interested in joining Group Supervision in 2025 to come along to a group Intro Chat in Jan. I will offer a couple of dates. Let me know if you'd like an invite: felicity@bendtheriver.org

ICF Mentor Coaching - I have interest in a group Mentor Coaching programme for up to 4 individuals Jan - June/July 2025. If you’re seeking your ACC/PCC credential or ACC renewal and would like to find out more about what this 10hr programme will look like, please message me by the end of the year felicity@bendtheriver.org

The Insight

Accessing the

Wisdom of the Body

Despite all I’ve said above, I’ve then found myself stuck writing this month’s Insight (the universe really wants me to learn about the feeling of not being clear!)

A quick body practice + Google Gemini (Google’s version of Chat GPT) came to the rescue and gave me clarity to convert my half finished thoughts into something resembling an article.

The theme I’ve been picking up on is one of ‘tuning into something’. I’ve been hearing statements like:

• it feels like the right time’;

• it feels like something is changing;

• I feel I just need to trust…

There is a sense that this guidance-to-self is coming from deep within. It’s more implicit rather explicit. It’s not explainable and often accompanied with the words ‘I don’t know why but…' and 'it's probably silly but...'

In these moments, I find that tuning into the wisdom of our body can be helpful. It’s a powerful source of wisdom that we often overlook - it helps us trust that we are onto something that is true.

The Language of the Body

Our bodies are constantly communicating with us, sending subtle signals that can provide valuable data, which we can explore and then choose to attach meaning. By tuning into these sensations, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our surroundings.

When we pay attention to our bodies, we can:

• Make Better Decisions: Our bodies often know what our minds don’t. When faced with a choice, notice the physical sensations that arise. A sense of peace or excitement may indicate a positive path, while tension or discomfort might signal a less favorable one. Try the Access your Inner Knowing exercise.

  
  

  

  
  
  
  

• Improve Physical Health: Paying attention to your body is a practice of mindfulness, because it brings you into the present moment. As such it can lower stress within the body, help bring calm to the nervous system and reduce inflammation.

• Enhance Relationships: It’s a practice that grounds us into our bodies, and thereby supports us to connect more deeply with others. We become more present and less likely to react impulsively.

A Practical Approach

To develop this skill, consider the following:

• Body Mapping: Spend a few minutes each day noticing different sensations in your body. This can help you become more attuned to your physical state. For those of you who like a visual exploration, check out The Tip below.

  
  

• Mindful Breathing: Notice how you are breathing. Track the air in and out of your body. Imagine it in your lungs, visualise it being expelled. Follow the oxygen around your body, down to your toes & out to your fingers. Then start to deepen and slow down your breaths.

  
  

• Listen to Your Intuition: Pay attention to your gut feelings. If something does feel right, it probable is. What are the signs your body is giving you?

  
  

• Suspend quick conclusions: Embrace the Fertile Void The space between noticing the body sensation and deciding what it means can be a powerful place of creativity and transformation.

  
  

The Art of Saying No & Yes

Sometimes, saying No is the most courageous thing we can do. By listening to our bodies, we can learn to recognise when we’re overwhelmed or overextended. This allows us to set boundaries and prioritise our well-being.

And sometimes, saying Yes is the most courageous thing we can do. We can equally learn to recognise the signs of detachment, avoidance, apathy, fear, boredom that can indicate we are in need of more stimulus. When extending ourselves is what is needed.

There is no right or wrong way to tune into your body. The key is to be patient and kind to yourself. With practice, this is a skill that gets easier.

The Tip

What's your B shape?

Giving your mind a purposeful focal point brings ease to a busy mind or a flooded emotional state.  The neuroscience shows us that it literally changes us in that moment.

Back in 2015 during my MSc in Organisational Transformation,  I’d become aware of a disconnect between my head and body, and that I was predominantly living in my head, with my body in a dormant state. In refections with my coach at the time, I began to desire living a more whole sense of myself.

This video from Arawana Hayashi was a key catalyst in helping me notice where I was in my body. Itt gave me my an idea for an experiement and became my first step to accessing the data from my body. I therefore offer it to you.

I loved the idea of the shape of a B representing my body, sitting on the body of the earth, or in my case, floating above the earth, with a skinny bottom section and inflated top section. So I went one step further, and over a period of a few months, as a way of paying attention to my body shape, I sketched out my B shapes.

Here’s how to start (yes, right now!)

• Watch the video

• Grab a pen and paper. Draw the earth shape.

• Scan your body and put pen to paper and mark out your present B shape.

• Find a few key words to put alongside your B shape. Date & time it.

• Repeat throughout the day and week.

This exercise is just about awareness of one’s body. It’s not about the interpretation of data from the body. I encourage you to suspend jumping to conclusions and to stick with describing.

The magic comes from giving our minds an intentional focus that is in the present.

Reflection Questions

• What has this exercise bought to your awareness?

• What surprised you?

• What shape B are you for most of the time?

• Which shape B feels most balanced for you?

• What helps you to return to that B shape?

If you notice your team member/ client is very heady or emotional, you can offer them the exercise and to practice it over a period of time. The Reflection questions also work well as discussion points.

The Quote

>>> Everything happens in our body

The Reflection Question

Sneak Peek

Be Better Together Coaching & Coach Supervision

My new website is coming soon! Not long now til I press the Publish button 👇

I’m a keen advocate for coaches to know one’s beliefs and purpose and be able to vocalise what this means for one’s practice. To be able to talk about WHY you do the work you do, WHO you work with and what does it mean for HOW you work.

2024 has been a year of experimentation with self-expression through photography and writing.  Along with numerous coffee conversations (and thank you to those who’ve championed me along the way) I’ve landed on the next iteration of how I anchor & communicate my work as a coach and coach supervisor.

Be Better Together is the purpose statement. It’s the core WHY that sits underneath all of the work I do. We are always in relationship, with ourselves, with others and with the situation around us. There is no escaping it. Which is why it matters to

It’s relevant for leadership presence, through to big life transitions, as well as the direct work on relationships. From a coach supervision perspective, the supervision lens is towards your relationships, with contracts, clients, process, the cultural field, the business aspects & so on.

The WHO remains the same: Leaders (at all stages), Founders, Business Owners, Life Seekers (my term for those in life and career transitions) and Coaches.

~bend the river is the essence of HOW I work

I've identified 6 principles embodied in the ~bend the river approach to coaching and coach supervision and am sharing them here for the first time: 

💚 Slowing Down = It's natural to want to see the way forward or know what to do, and at the same time the habit of jumping to decisions and action robs us of the capacity to live with uncertainty. Taking appropriate time to breathe, expand and reflect allows for more of something else to show up.

💚 Acts of Care = We bring a value of considerate compassionate care into sessions to support the suspension of judgement and the inclusion of observation and objectivity. Towards you, us, others, and the situation. We go beyond thinking and feeling care into taking Acts of Care.

💚 Persistent Curious Attention = For change to happen we are rewiring our neural circuity. This takes intention and attention, with a curiosity towards experimentation and learning from. It also takes repetition for the new neural pathways to become strong enough to replace the old familiar ones.

💚 Individual >< Whole = We accept our inter-connection and interdependence with others, the situation and the whole. We were born of relationship and are inherently social beings, needing others for our development and well-being.

💚 All as Relevant = Deviations, diversions and detours are welcomed for what they tell us. They are there for a reason. Sometimes their relevance is not always immediately obvious. At other times, they light the way forward.

💚 Bespoke & Familiar = You are unique, so the work and our relationship is bespoke to, and with you. What is familiar, is the human struggle and innate desire for learning & social connection.

In 2025, you’ll hear me writing more around why being better together is important for our own well-being and growth as well as for the world. I’ll be continuing to share insights key to the ~bend the river approach and tips as to how you can integrate it into your life, work, leadership and coaching. You’ll find them in this regular post Flow with Felicity, available #FirstFriday of the month.

Work with me

Everything starts with an Intro Chat

If you're thinking about working with me as your coach or coach supervisior, let's get some time in the diary. We will explore what you're hoping for, get a feel for our relationship and cover options.

Reach out today, if for no other reason that you will be clearer about something by the end of our call! felicity@bendtheriver.org

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Next time I see you, it will be January, so wishing you a wonderful festive season and a joyous start to 2025.

Next Flow with Felicity coming out Friday 3rd January.

What grabbed your interest?

If this prompts you to do something different or supports a reframe, I'd love to celebrate and support the changes you are making. Keep me in the loop :)

Thank you for joining me this month. For all rave testimonials, typos, helpful feedback, conversations about working together, message me on LinkedIn or drop me an email: felicity@bendtheriver.org